Monday, October 20, 2008

Bears Win By Scoring Points, Fans Baffled

Chicago, IL – The Chicago Bears won with a seven-point lead over the Vikings on Sunday. Players, coaches and fans alike were all a bit confused about the outcome.

 “Yeah, they scored points,” said one Chicago fan. “But where was the defense? How do you win a game without powerful defense?”

 This seems to be the prevailing sentiment among Bears fans and players.

 ‘This is a team that has always relied on defense,” said Bears Quarterback, Kyle Orton. “I know it’s kind of my job to score points, but I didn’t really think it could be done. Hell, most of the guys on the team didn’t even know you could score points in football.”

 After some extensive research, we have discovered that, in fact, the Chicago Bears can score points during a game.

 During that same research, our staff has discovered the following, intriguing facts about Chicago sports teams;


-         The Blackhawks are eligible to compete for the Stanley Cup

-         The White Sox are capable of playing an entire season well

-         The Bulls still exist

-         The Cubs are not a figment of our imagination

Lance Cooper writes the Sports section of He is currently in the bathtub eating a taco. Lance is the author of the bestselling book "Whooo!!! Sports" which can be found in local book stores.