Wednesday, October 1, 2008

White Sox Make Post Season To Spite Cubs

Chicago, IL – An intense race for the division title ended last night with a 1-0 White Sox victory over the Minnesota Twins. The air at U.S. Cellular Field was electric with the excitement of fans and players, as the White Sox were certainly not expected to go this far.

A post-game interview with team management showed, shockingly, that the Sox had an ulterior motive for taking the title from their division rivals.

“You know, we were planning on taking it easy this year,” said White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen. “We were still felling pretty good about ’05 and we were just going to ride that for a season or two more. But then the Cubs went ahead and made it to the post season and we were like, ‘oh, no they didn’t.”

Reportedly, the White Sox were inspired to push forward in order to avoid being upstaged by their cross-town rivals.

“They played a really good season,” said Jim Thome, the Sox designated hitter and the player responsible for last night’s game winning homerun. “I’ve got to give credit to the Cubs.”

Thome’s comment was cut short by A.J. Pierzynski, the White Sox catcher, who took the microphone away from him.

“He doesn’t know what he’s saying,” stated Pierzynski. “He’s delirious with happiness. What he means to say is that we only won this game so we could stop the Cubs from winning the World Series. We’re coming for you Cubbies!”

When asked to comment on the suggestion that his team simply made the playoffs out of spite, general manager Kenny Williams said, simply, “They should just know their place.”

Lance Cooper writes the Sports section of He is currently on location in the bath tub, eating a taco. Lance is the author of the bestselling book "Whooo!!! Sports" which can be found in local book stores.