Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Monkey-Breath Staff Beaten Severely

Dear Readers,

This is to inform you that the, usually reliable, staff of comedy writers here at did not provide an article for you to read today. These award-winning writers, some of which are Ivy Leaguers, lacked the wherewithal to write anything funny. They felt that covering the “hot-button” topics such as, last night’s debate, the credit crisis, and the Loch Ness monster releasing her third album, as trite.

I’m writing in hopes that this dereliction of duty won’t stop you from coming back to read Monkey-Breath, or recommending it to your many attractive friends. As a show of good faith, I have beaten my staff into a near comatose state. I give you my word that these elitist, Oxford comma using, Mac-jockeys won’t let you down again. Please don’t stop reading Please continue to tell your friends about us, tattoo our web address on your face, name your children, submit us to Digg, put us on your facebook/myspace page, all of those normal things you would do with a wonderful upstart news satire page of as high a quality as

I assure you that my staff will cease this irresponsible behavior and continue to churn out quality satire. There will be a hilarious article, which will be appropriate for discussing around the water cooler at work tomorrow morning. Again, I’ve beaten them into comas with my bare hands, nothing is more important to me than the quality control of this website. Wait, if they’re all comatose…who is going to write the…


Henry Q. Jackass