Thursday, October 16, 2008

Presidential Debate Alienates, Confuses Bob The Builder

Hempstead, NY – Last night’s Presidential debate was the scene of more intense discussion than the previous two. Voters heard the candidates show more direct aggression toward each other, as well as, communicate more directly to the voters.

 The centerpiece of the debate seemed to be a particular voter named Joe the Plumber. Both candidates appeared to be addressing him directly, which many fear alienated the average voter.

 Though currently residing in the UK, popular children’s icon, Bob the Builder, is a registered voter in the United States.

 “Both of them were talking to this Joe the Plumber,” said Mr. Builder. “What about Bill the Electrician? What about Bob the Builder? We need considerations; tax cuts for other working class people. I, like this Joe, am defined by what I do for a living. It’s who I am”

 Many other viewers found the candidates’ statements cryptic and alienating.

 “There are all of these problems with the economy and I just wanted to hear one thing from them,” stated Builder. “Can we fix it? They didn’t answer.”

 The largest point of confusion for many members of the audience was Senator McCain’s recommendation for the construction of several “nuclear power pants”.

 “I don’t even know what nuclear power pants are,” explained Builder. “I don’t think anybody does.”

 Joe the Plumber may be an influential figure in his hometown, but it’s not unwarranted to have concerns for Bob the Builder.


H.Q. Jackass said...

This is an honest, actual letter to the editor. The first, ever, for this website. It was emailed to me, and I'm posting it here for you to read.

Dear Mr. Jackass,

In reference to your latest clever news article. Please reconsider
your own alienation of a Mr. (Uncle) Richard Pennybags. Think about who is
really suffering through these difficult economic times.

Through flawed decisions of their own, the blue collar workers are
continually the working class. Do they make enough money to rise above it?
No. If they did, they would see that the hard times are hardest on those who
had the most to lose. Several of the Fortune 500 CEOs have had to sell of
their fourth and fifth yachts. They've begun stooping to caviar with only
two meals a day and have only fifteen personal assistants, compared to their
usual twenty, to complete their morning grooming regimens.

Why, just the other day, I was forced to, what was that term? "Open"
my own "prepackaged snack food." It was vile. I fed it to my prize winning
French Teacup Poodle, Mr. Fiscal. If this is the preferred fare of the blue
collar "working men and women" of the modern world, no wonder they're all
functionally illiterate and stuck in dead end jobs, praying for social
security to be there for them when they're too old to shuffle from place to
place, doing work with their muscles.

This country is here for all Americans, equally. I am entitled to as
much recognition as Joe the Plumber and Bob the Builder. In fact, being that
I pay their wages... I do, don't I, Janice? No you're not supposed to type
that. That was to you. Oh. Okay then. Since I pay their wages anyway,
shouldn't I really be getting more consideration, as their continued
existence and support of the failing budget relies heavily on what I do with
my money? They need me. The economy needs me and that makes me just a little
bit more than equal. Wouldn't you say?

I would love to continue dictating this electronic message, but my
personal assistant and I must run off to smear caviar and white truffles all
over one another. She can't seem to type and do that at the same time. Be
more sensitive to the millionaire set from now, would you? Now there's a
good boy. Here's $50,000. Go get me another of those prepackaged snack
foods, Mr. Fiscal looks hungry.


Richard Pennybags Esq.
CEO Monopole Industries