Friday, October 10, 2008

Children’s Author Penned Farewell Book

“F*** All You Little Bastards” Hits Best-Seller List

Dover, DE – Ray Laporte wrote children’s books, it was his life’s ambition. Over the last three years he had written twelve of them, which were all rejected by publishers. Laporte lived with his parents and worked at a local electronics store.

Laporte died last week of what experts are saying was an overdose of whiskey and over-the-counter cough medicine. Found in Laporte’s hands was a manuscript of his final book. The book was entitled “F*** All You Little Bastards” and has been called Laporte’s most insightful work.

“F*** all of you f***ers, f*** your stupid face, You stupid little bastards, I’ll kill you with my mace.”

This was the opening line from Laporte’s final book. Many are saying it is a window deep into his soul and a work that everyone should experience.

Laporte’s father, John, has had trouble coping with the loss of his son.

“He wasn’t the best writer, we all knew that,” said John Laporte. “But he had a kind and loving heart and he just wanted to make the children happy. I’d like to read an excerpt from his final work:
‘You fickle, facist, f***ing f***-faces, I hate you all so much. My God! Why won’t you publish my books? You’re children are morons, you’re all f***ing crooks. I think you stole my ideas, and poisoned my scotch. If you were here now, I make…um…I can’t rhyme with scotch!”

The book has been published posthumously with all profits going to fund the construction of the “F***ing Laporte Children’s Library” in Dover. Literary critics are calling this one of the most influential children’s books since “Go, Dog, Go”.

Only time will tell if “F*** All You Little Bastards” will become a nursery classic, but if early sales are any indicator, the prospect looks good.