Friday, October 17, 2008

Report Suggests That We “Just Stop The ‘Conomy”

Lawton, OK – According to an informal study done at Martin VanBuren Elementary school, the ‘conomy must be stopped. The study, conducted by Billy Dwyer, a second grader, collected data from “everybody”. Dwyer’s assistant clarified the ambiguous “everyone” by defining it as the 39 second-graders who were in attendance that day.

 “I just heard so much ‘bout the ‘conomy,” stated a frustrated Dwyer. “My mom and dad said it was bad and we might have to move because of it. My dad said it’s because of those pascerds on Mall Street and the depuglicams.”

 Dwyer reportedly decided to do the study as a project for the school’s annual Democracy fair.

 “My teacher, Mrs. Stevens said we had to do a project about the election,” Dwyer explained. “I asked everybody what we should do about the ‘conomy. Everybody said it was dumb.”

 According to the report, more than sixty percent of the children asked said that they disagreed with the ‘conomy. Assessments of the current financial situation were bleak and few understood why the federal government continued using a broken system.

 Experts have said the findings are evidence of a general realization that we are in a recession. One member of Mrs. Stevens’ second grade class shared her cynical fears for the coming holiday season.

 “What if Santa has a bad ‘conomy?” asked eight-year-old Sally Gibb. “Then we won’t get presents, I gotta get a new bike.”

 Ms. Gibb echoed the concerns of many Americans. After all, isn't that what we're all asking, “Where’s my new bike?”