Monday, June 2, 2008

Area Man Not Really Expert on Things

St. Louis, MO – Kenneth Arlington, a 29 year old office worker, is not an expert on things, despite what his co-workers think.

“Kenneth is a real smart guy,” claimed Joyce Pender, a co-worker. “He was just telling me the other day about how after the Cold War, we set up Israel and Palestine. But we put them next to each other so they would fight all of the time.”

Reportedly, Arlington is considered by his colleagues to be of above average intelligence. They attribute this impression to the fact that he’s always talking about something.

“Did you know that seals are the only mammal which can hold its breath under water for over two minutes?” questioned another co-worker. “I didn’t, I learned that from Ken.”

“Arlington isn’t as smart as they think,” explained Bill Durham, one of Kenneth’s peers. “I’m really sick of him misinforming everyone around here. But, if management hears everyone else saying stupid things like, ‘ducks are the only flightless birds’ or ‘women were given the right to vote in 1996’, I’m a shoe-in for a promotion.”

Reports suggest that having Kenneth in the office has made everyone a little smarter and safer as well. Only since Arlington’s hiring has the office had mandatory nuclear bomb drills.

“Without Ken, we’d all still have that worthless anti-virus crap on our computers,” explained Pender. “It’s a big scam you know.”