Friday, April 18, 2008

Special Edition: Chicago Cubs Preemptively Blame Bad Season On Earthquake

Chicago, IL- Many Chicago residents reported feeling tremors from an earthquake which occurred in West Salem, IL, at approximately 4:37 am this morning. Members of the Cubs organization, as well as fans of the team have indicated the seismic activity as the cause of the team’s poor performance in the upcoming baseball season.

“The whole goat thing was getting kind of tired,” explained a public relations representative from the team. “We had the Bartman issue a couple of years back, but we can’t risk waiting for something like that to happen again. If it doesn’t happen, blame for the poorly played season will fall on the team’s management and coaching staff.”

The Chicago Cubs have a history of being a superstitious organization, suggesting that numerous “jinxes” have been responsible for their legendary losing streak.

Fans of the team were quick to define this morning’s earthquake as a bad omen; many of them posting on message boards within minutes of the tremor. Reportedly, the post that started it all came from NrthSder81.

“No matter what happens in the 08 season,” read the instigating post. “We can all take comfort in the fact that the Cubbies could have played better. The only reason they didn’t win the series (this upcoming year) is because they were cursed by the earthquake.”

Opponents of the “cop-out” have noted that the team was nowhere near Wrigley Field at the time of the tremor and that no injuries or structural damage have been reported in Chicago.

Superstitious members of the Cubs clubhouse and fans remain unconvinced.

“It’s just so typical,” stated a concerned fan. “Every time they (the Cubs) have a real shot at a good season, something terrible and unavoidable gives them the bad mojo; maybe next year.”