Monday, April 28, 2008

Is Anonymous Groping The New Dating?

New York, NY- As people’s professional lives become more and more hectic, social interaction inevitably suffers. During the second half of the twentieth century we saw the lengthy courting process turned into a brief interaction of only a few dates before consensual intimacy. That method quickly became too lengthy for busy young people.

The next big change was the introduction of speed dating; a system by which prospective dates would engage in thirty to sixty second conversations then switch to another partner.

A growing trend among innovative, lonely urban residents has gone one step further. The newest iteration of dating for busy people is called “anonymous groping”. It usually takes place in crowded urban areas such as public transportation, shopping centers and crowded cafes.

One advocate claims that it is exponentially more efficient than previous methods.

“You’d be amazed at how little interaction is required from the other person, to derive satisfaction,” stated the anonymous groper. “I’m busy, I don’t have time to talk to somebody or hang out with them. I just stand on the train, cop a few feels and go to work. It’s been working out really well for me.”

Another member of the AG community, typically the recipient, offered more encouraging comments.

“It’s not like you’re going to take the person home and have kids or anything, who has time for that? You’d be crazy to turn down a no-strings-attached ass grab while you’re checking your email on your blackberry.”

Proponents do admit that it is sometimes difficult to tell a willing participant from an unsuspecting commuter. With the rise of this kind of casual yet intimate communication there have been numerous reports from offended, up-tight recipients.


Sassy said...

Uh, this makes me happy to be married...haha!

Monkey Breath said...

If only being married could protect you...