Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Amorous Turkeys Rally behind Carrier Pigeons

Madison, WI- The battle between U.S. Postal workers and carrier pigeons over mail carrier rights rages on. We reported on March 26th, 2008 that carrier pigeons would be reclaiming their position as official mail carriers of the United States, but the USPS refuses to back down in some cities.

The persistence of the USPS in this matter is regarded as anti-union behavior by the Pigeon union and has been a point of serious contention in unionized avian communities. The most recent group to join the pigeons’ cause is the Federation of American Turkeys (FAT).

FAT has made its presence known in the Madison area by making loud, often violent demonstrations against postal workers; citing their anti-union practice as cause for action. Reports indicate that many of these violent protests are accompanied by name calling such as; rat or scab.

Turkey experts suggest that this is a tense season for the turkey community, as it is mating season. Allegedly, during this time, turkeys are excitably and easily provoked by certain colors and socio-political strife. During the mating cycle, male turkey’s heads change between blue, red and white presumably to attract mates; possibly as a display of their unending patriotism.

A representative of FAT, Gobbles McGee, made an outraged declaration.

“It’s about time that avian-Americans got the respect that we deserve!” A spirited McGee continued, “We assembled for fair treatment, we unionized for equitable work practice, and we won’t rest until our pigeon brothers are given the rights they deserve!”

The President of the pigeon union made an effort to disassociate his group with the actions of FAT.

“We appreciate the backing of such a powerful organization (FAT), but we do not condone violent actions. As a civilized group we intend to resolve this issue through diplomacy. We ask that the Turkeys please stop this unproductive display. If they want to help us, they are urged to contact me and I will provide a means for effective support.”